he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
