Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
