Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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