we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
