I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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