Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
