Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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