I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize