I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
In America we eat man semen.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
