I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You're like the curious george of whores
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
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