So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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