Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
