i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
