No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize