Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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