Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
