According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
not ubering you a puppy
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
