as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
