Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
