I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
