so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize