If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
