yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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