Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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