He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
40s are totally the cure
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
