ugly people sure do ruin things
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
