dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
