i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
