I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize