Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
how does that bad decision feel?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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