girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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