i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
