Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
