I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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