When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
