I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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