I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You were trust falling into bushes
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
