glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
