I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
