I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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