Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
jump out the window naked night went bad
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
