I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
