the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
