I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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