Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
