Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
