He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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