operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
