Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
