His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
