i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
