So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize