Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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