1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize