Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
