I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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