Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Randomize
