Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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