so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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