I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
