i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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