he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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