Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
